summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
