Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
