you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
