So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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