It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
