If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found the puke drawer
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
