I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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