Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the barista slut.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
