fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
