If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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