I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
