Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
