Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
