i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
