I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
