just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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