And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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