I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
