I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
