I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
