I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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