there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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