Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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