This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
