question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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