so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm both gender and math confused
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
