I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
