plz talk dirty to me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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