Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to make out with him forever
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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