The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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