Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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