bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
