I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
