i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
