you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
