Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
