The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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