My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
