I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
