I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
