You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
