There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
