so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
