I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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