"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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