i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
