toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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