I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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