I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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