SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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