Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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