Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
